Sooke mom holding overdose awareness event to help stop stigma

This story was originally published in The Westshore newsletter, Aug. 9, 2022. 

Melanie Cunningham has been living with stigma for 27 years. It kept her silent, forcing her to grieve in private after her eldest son died from a drug suicide when he was 20 years old.

“There was stigma not only with suicide, not only with drugs, but with the fact that you have a family member who's using drugs. Nobody talked about it, there was so much stigma,” she said.

She felt like she couldn’t speak of her son freely, couldn’t remember all the parts of him that had nothing to do with drugs. Then, amid the trauma of that loss, her second son became addicted to drugs. He lives in Victoria where she still has a relationship with him, but can’t do much to help. Her greatest fear is getting a knock on the door from someone telling her he’s died from an overdose.

Cunningham’s eldest son died long before fentanyl poisoned the drug supply, long before the overdoses would be declared a public health emergency. But that’s when she started to realize her family’s experience wasn’t unique, and that the stigma keeping her silent was only leading to more death.

She joined a harm-reduction group called Moms Stop the Harm, which was founded by another woman who lost her son to drugs. Through that group, she started talking about her sons and learning that she does have a voice, that her family’s story should not be hushed up.

“I want people to be able to feel comfortable hearing my story and not shy away. The stigma's got to end with me right now. And I feel that it has, because I’m able to talk about my family's situation. I'm not afraid anymore,” she said.

“I want people to know that my sons’ lives matter. They're more than the addiction. They are boys who played hockey, they are boys who love their sisters and their family, they’re boys who are artistic, they're talented artists. Both of their lives matter. They are more than the addictions.”

That's why Cunningham is holding an overdose awareness event this month at Ed MacGregor Park that will be a place for people to share their own experiences and meet others with lived experience. They’ll have naloxone training and kits to hand out, lots of information and connections to resources. A few musicians and poets will perform, and Cunningham and others like her will share their stories. Ending the evening will be a candlelight vigil to honour those who have died, and they’ll invite people to come speak the name of the person they’ve lost or are holding hope for.

“I know with my own family experience, my son's name, Matthew who passed away, it's like an elephant in the room. Even now sometimes it's hard for my family to mention his name. And it’s the same thing for Greg, who’s still alive,” Cunningham said.

End the war on drugs

Helping host the event is Ben Goerner, a retired clinical counsellor from Kelowna who recently moved to Sooke. He had been working with the family of a young man named Tyler who was addicted to drugs. They held sessions to talk about how the family could support him, but he didn’t make it. On Jan. 6, 2016, Tyler died of drug poisoning.

He was the first of 50 patients Goerner would lose between 2016 and when he retired in 2019. He retired because, even as a counsellor, he couldn't handle the trauma anymore.

“You want to say ‘burnt out,’ but we’re learning that for people on the front lines it’s more like post-traumatic stress.”

Goerner got on what he calls "a rage wagon" to end the war on drugs. “This is about toxic drug poisoning. It’s not about addiction. It's about the marketing and supply-side approaches that we use to try and control drug use, which has failed miserably."

He started giving presentations about the history of drug policy and its impact. One attendee was Tyler’s mother, who he hadn’t seen since Tyler died. She had since become an integral member of Moms Stop the Harm and invited Goerner to join, even though he hadn’t lost a personal family member to drug poisoning. Now he helps facilitate a support group for people with loved ones still using drugs.

Goerner might be retired but he’s still actively working to reduce harm and support people affected by the drug poisoning crisis. At the event, he hopes people will get the sense they’re not in this alone, and find connections to the resources and community of people working for change.

The Sooke Overdose Awareness Day event is on Aug. 31, 6-9pm, at Ed MacGregor Park.